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放风筝的男人 The Guy Who Fly A Kite [复制链接]

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电梯直达

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发表于 2004-6-16 14:59:09 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

放风筝的男人
The Guy Who Flies A Kite
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我辞职了，带着对再度回到大学校园攻读硕士、博士的憧憬，离开了我工作了2年多的医院。其实，我舍不得，我的思绪依然如游丝在我熟悉的手术室、病房、办公室、换药间、走廊、窗口、电梯、楼道里穿行。就好象消毒水的味道，在那里永远弥漫着、发散着。
Sent in my resignation, I left from the medical department I’ve worked for about two years, longing for the Master Degree and Doctor Degree on campus in the near future. Exactly, it’s a kind of homesick feeling inside my mind, I hardly to collect back all my thoughts strolling and haunting through the familiar operating rooms, wards, offices, treatment rooms, aisles, windows, elevators. As if the smell of disinfect solution spreading in the hospital forever.

我好似一个风筝，翘首扑向空中，乘着风在那里爬升。我希望自己是那种儿时自做的很普通的风筝，“干”字形的骨架，后面眷恋地舞动着长长的尾巴。那条银丝，引导着我的，牵着我的，应该是从我主任的窗口出发。有一双美丽的眼睛，在向上看着我的身影，我正看见他的瞳孔里有风筝的影子。
A kite was flying upwards, raising its head and throwing itself into the air. That’s what I’m dreaming of to be, to be able to climb up the airflow. It’s a simple kite even made by myself during the childhood, which was supported by bones like a Chinese word ‘干’. Sentimentally throwing about its long paper tail, the kite was led along by the silver thread maybe started off the window of my master. A pair of marvelous eyes were looking up from the window, tracing that body and the outline of the kite was mirrored.

我是男儿，我对我的主任有种爱，很难说出口。
Though I’m a guy, it’s weird to tell how I love my master.
主任很是英俊，虽然是过四十的人了，但却仪表堂堂，容颜如新。中等个子，身材匀称，是个很聪明、技术精湛的人。当初刚分到了他的科室，看见他的模样，这个中年人的相貌深深地吸引着我，真的，我掉进了一个磁场。尤其是我的目光与他对视的时候，我能感觉他对新同事的诚恳、关切。他是个很优秀的人，对病人对朋友都是那么亲切，他的技术，也毫不保留地传授给年轻的医生。我这个傻小子，心里一下给扔进了一颗种子，种子在血液中起伏沉荡，各种生化物质在磨砺着它的外壳，想要穿透它。
Even though he’s over his 40s, the master is so featurely with nice appearance and fresh looks. He has an average, shapely stature and he is such a brainy, excellent man. When I was assigned to work in his department, I was deeply attracted by his feature. It’s really a magnetic field I was falling into to be formed by this man. Especially as we viewed each other into the eyes, I could sense his genuine concern about his new staff. He’s a perfect man not only for his kindness to patients and partners, but also for his frank to transfer his technic to young doctors. I silly bloke! A seed has been buried into the mind, and it’s swaying in the blood. Biochemistry substances were grinding its capsule and seeping into the crack.

两年前我就放飞了我心中的风筝，碧蓝的天空中有那么一块云朵，它稳稳地漂浮着，散发着柔和的光彩，自然、朴素，深深地吸引着我心中的风筝。在和风中，披着金色的阳光，我的风筝甩甩尾巴，在那云朵身旁嬉戏，象个孩子，想一直扑进云朵的怀抱。累了，可以舒坦地在它的臂弯中小憩，高兴了，又会一跃而起，与云朵相追逐。
It’s about two years ago I flied the kite from my mind. Quietly floating, a piece of cloud was emiting tender light in the blue sky. It’s so natural and plain that my kite was attracted by it deeply. In the gentle breeze the kite was palying beside that piece of cloud, swinging its long tail, under the golden sunlight. It’s a naughty boy who wants to rush into the hugs of the cloud. Sometimes it felt tired and shared a comfortable room to rest, sometimes it jumped up to chase itself again.
前几天，主任邀请我去他家，他老婆出差了，就他一人。他说我一个人在外面挺不容易，也想见见我，跟我谈心。我乐坏了，白天就想着这个，别的都无心去做。下午他下班的时分我就去他家了。从我这里到他的小区，坐公汽的话也要一小时。这一小时的路啊！对一个满心欢喜的年青人来说，算得了什么。
My master invited me to visit his new dormitory as he’s alone at home several days before. And he told me that his wife was going on errands. He knows that I’m living by myself alone and hopes to see me after my leaving. I was in great joyness and could not help thinking of it so as to do nothing well. I was on my way as he was off duty. It takes about one hour to reach his district by bus. It’s nonsense to complain about for this happy youngster.
脑子里回想着还在医院里的时候的一幕幕。
I could still remember what happened as I was in hospital.
主任总是那样吸引我的目光，也许有人觉得人到了中年，不应该用“帅”这个字眼，但的确用气质好、有风度来形容他是太勉强了。他不带眼镜，浓眉大眼，尤其是目光中的那份神采，似乎是一个精灵在那里向你发出暗示，有一个神秘园，里面生长着奇花异草，甚至还有琳琅遍地的沙滩，那里的天空比任何地方都要碧蓝。我喜欢在他说话的时候，目不转睛地望着他的眼睛和嘴，微微翘起的上唇，张口时左脸颊上浅浅的酒窝。
The man who always attracts me so much is in his middle age. Perhaps you do not prefer a word like ‘handsome’ to illustrate him but exactly it’s not enough to depict a man like that just with ‘nice’ and ‘graceful’. He doesn’t wear glasses, and he has beautiful eyebrows and eyes. Especially the brightness in his eyes is becoming an angel who would show you a secret garden where numerous rare flowers and strange plants are growing, even you could find a sand beach with beautiful jade everywhere, really blue sky above. It’s my favour to watch his eyes and mouth while he was speaking. Slightly raising his up lip, a dimple formed in his left cheek as he opened his mouth.

一袭白衣，在病人面前那份体贴、热心，祥和的态度，让人觉得应该一辈子和这样的人在一起生活、做朋友。记得一次我单独和他面对面做手术，在等待器械消毒的片刻，我凝望着淡蓝色的帽子、口罩间隙里那双明亮的眼睛。我的右手轻轻地与他的手掌交叉，他没回避，指关节在我的指间活动，我就抓紧了，他也会意地抓了一下。虽然都带着乳胶消毒手套，但在那一刻，有种暖意在两个男人的手掌间悄悄地巡游。也许他能理解成是我尊敬他、爱着他。那双眼睛突然笑了。眼角出现迷人的鱼尾纹，目光如一个青年，让我爱不释手。

这是一个很敬业的人，手术经常排地满满的，不吃饭而继续战斗那是家常便饭。手术后安顿好病人，看着疲惫的主任，我心里酸酸的。他累的时候，床是让给其他医生的，自己把几张凳子一拼，就在上面躺下。我不知道多少次偷偷地从门缝里看他躺在那样的“床”上，然后我悄悄地合上门。

再次见到主任，已经是分开一年后了。我下车后在一个超市等他来接。他的身影出现在门口的时候，我很开心地向他打招呼。他的眼神仍然是那样让我着迷。我以为他会用手拍拍我，结果没有。我和他并排走着，望着他，“您的头发都白了好多！”那俊秀的脸庞的两鬓，是班驳的银发，一定是太操劳了。“您要注意休息和营养啊！”他说男人过了四十五就明显觉得不如从前，眼睛开始老花，精力不足。

他住的小区算是我们这个城市里很高档的，我特别喜欢这样气派美观的楼群，还有别具匠心的庭院设计。我一进他家门，他拿了饮料，然后递给我一支烟，为我点上。我知道他特别喜欢烟，以前每天早上上班，交班后他就会点起一支，抽完就去查房。刚开始我还给他递烟，后来他不要了，说年轻人不要这样，对身体不好。观察他抽烟时的动作和吐烟的神态，是种享受。他请我吃饭，一起喝啤酒，也聊了很多话，似乎以前不敢说的都说出来了。到晚上十点了，他示意要我回家，并送我到汽车站。

我慢悠悠地出他的家门，他拿了两支烟，一支又递给我，火机“啪”地敲出火花，我想用手抓他点火的那只手，但退缩了。“我一直很喜欢……很喜欢您……”我小心地对他讲，观察他的表情。他很沉静。默默地抽他的烟。“难道您还不明白我的意思吗，我很喜欢您！”我的舌头挣扎着吐露了我的内心。他看了我一眼，眉头有点紧缩，目光落到了地上。“我能抱抱您或亲您一下吗？”我放飞了心中的风筝，它只想扑进那片云朵的怀中。但我依然谨慎，我担心举动将引起他的不快、甚至厌恶。

电梯的门“吱”地开了。狭小的空间里现在只有两个不说话的成年男人，年轻的我有点央求地望着那个俊气的中年，两柱烟雾将我们藏在这个小世界的两处。外面的夜色很浓，两个人一前一后地走着，保持那么一小段距离。我想，主任的心在煎熬，他是有身份有责任的人。那一小段距离似乎说明了我这种纯爱是多么脆弱，我喜欢的人已经进入尴尬而言不由衷的处境。

我花了一个多小时回到我的住处，内心里有个魔兽，一直冲撞我的心门，我慌啊！我是男儿，我哭不出来。真希望有一场大雨，淅淅沥沥冲刷净那个晚上。栓在我身上的风筝，那个晚上跌跌撞撞在夜空中颤抖，尾巴结成一团，它惊慌它不能再与那片云朵相伴。

等待我的，是漫长的夜晚，我睡不着，就这样伤心着。

有一个老人，过了六十岁才向一个性学家表露，他年轻的时候进工厂就喜欢上一个小伙子。他的老伴现在知道了，还能够理解他。这人间的爱，是情感的碰击，你无法解释它的来龙去脉。童年的经历，也许促成了我这份感情的奢望。父母年轻的时候总吵架，一次母亲去参加体育比赛，就我和父亲在家吃饭。父亲是个脾气火暴的人，不知道什么原因，我嘴里还含着筷子的时候，他突然发怒，狠狠地拍了我一下。我的喉咙瞬间开始疼痛，嘴里是血。从小到大，一直对父亲没有过好感，他对家人漠不关心。心灵上的或缺也许变得有些神秘和陌生，在我慢慢成长，当这个时代在网络上已经没有不能接触到的信息，我心中的神秘园也自然开启了大门。我在里面放飞了一只风筝。我希望风筝的线端是从一个我爱的人手中发出，那最惬意的时分，应该是他抬头望着我在碧蓝的空中飞翔。

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